Interested…

As I mentioned in previous posts, I am looking to get out and date more soon. I have absolutely no problem picking up men, but I thought I would reach out and try this…

If (and ONLY if) you are in the Colorado Springs area and would like to meet with me you must follow these set rules:

1. You must be at least 21 years old and be able to produce photo identification to prove this age.

2. Send me a private message (via my facebook link, under my tweets and profile picture on this site) with the following information:

a. First name

b. Age

c. Height/ Weight

d. Cock size

i. HONEST length and girth

ii. Cock photo

e. A face photo

3. You must be flexible and project a date and place to meet.

a. I have my own personal life; I prefer dates on evenings and weekends.

b. This will be an actual date. Although I will meet you at your proposed (public) place, you will be a chivalrous date and pay the bill.

c. You must not whine or complain if I have to change our date (I do have my own personal/private life outside of cuckoldry).

4. You must be willing to provide a cell phone number and send/receive text and have an occasional phone conversation by my discretion.

5. You must be wiling to communicate for a stint of time to establish comfort levels before the actual meeting.

If the date goes well and we mutually decide to set a date and time to fuck… You have more rules:

1. You must be able to furnish proof of health (i.e. STD tests) if requested.

2. You must be able/willing to provide a place for us to fuck (the backseat of you vehicle does NOT count).

a. If we decide to continue fucking regularly:

i. You must be willing to fuck me in front of my husband

ii. You must be willing to be photographed (identifying features blurred or distorted).

3. You must wear a condom… NO EXCEPTIONS!

I am NOT interested in:

1. Cuckolding other men (besides my husband)

2. Anal sex

3. BDSM (any sort of sexual violence)

4. Liars: If you lie to me about ANYTHING whatsoever, you are out and will not be given a second chance.

If you are willing to abide by these rules, then please send me a message and maybe we can get together sometime.

In the beginning…

I have had several requests for me to dive into the stories about how our cuckold lifestyle got started. It has taken me a few days to really reflect on my/our past to decide exactly how I would present this. I finally came to the conclusion that the only appropriate way to present it was in its rawest and truest form.

Ready or not, here it comes…

I (for lack of a less clichéd phrase) blossomed at a very young age. Girls who look like women also seem to develop their sexuality on a different level than other girls their age. Because of my hyper-developed body and sexuality developing right behind it, I always got a lot of attention. I tried very hard to maintain my strong Baptist upbringing, but masturbation seemed to be my only secret outlet. I masturbated often and at a young age. Soon my seemingly insatiable appetite for self-sexual-gratification grew curiouser, and curiouser. My virginity had to go! I lost it at age 14 and, depending on which perspective you take, it was all downhill (or uphill) from there.

A devout Baptist southern girl must maintain appearances and a loose-girl reputation would surely tarnish that appearance. I knew I was sleeping around, but I just didn’t talk about it. No harm no foul, right? I remember, distinctly, asking my bestfriend in high school if she thought I was a slut. She carefully responded, “You aren’t exactly a slut, but I think you are a little easy.”

Society deems any girl or woman who deeply loves sex as a slut. Society has also added the negative connotations to the word “slut”. I wanted to experience as much as I could sexually as often as I could. Being called “easy” didn’t seem to deter me. I moved on to my first threesome and polyamorous relationship in just the 10th grade. By the 11th grade I decided that I didn’t want to be with any *one* boy and refused any and all propositions of exclusive dating. I was the only teenage girl I knew that carried her own box of condoms.

Years passed and I was still an active “closet slut”, but I felt sure that something was really missing. I was blatantly submissive. Being submissive felt hollow and meaningless. It never felt fulfilling. Something was surely missing and my aching craving for fulfillment grew exponentially.

I learned to hide these pursuits from any man I was seeing. Men tend to frown on the thought of the woman that they were fucking was off fucking around any time they were not sexually available. Cavemen… Then I met hubby (he was obviously not referred to then as “hubby”, but for the benefit of a more streamlined story, he will from here on out be known as “hubby” regardless of the referenced time period)…

I am not going to get into all the goo-goo ga-gas of it all. There was definitely a spark between hubby and me. We were ravenous for each other, but we mutually decided that because we both acknowledged this spark we would wait to sleep together. This plan felt emotionally satisfying but physically disappointing. I would spend “quality” emotional time with hubby and once I left his house or he dropped me off at my house, I was out on the prowl or on the phone calling over a booty call. I suppose I was cuckolding hubby before I even knew about cuckoldry.

Slowly hubby began to drop clues that I mentally took note of, but hadn’t added them up to anything. One of the most notable clues that he dropped was also a blatant clue… maybe a last ditch effort to pull me in… was when hubby asked me if I knew the definition of “cuckold”. This makes me laugh even to this day when I think of it. Hubby actually wanted me to take out a dictionary and look up the word.

I had never heard of this word… this ideology… this lifestyle before. It all seemed surreal. It seemed unlikely. It seemed just way too good to be true! Was it possible that I could be with the man that I had fallen for AND still get as much cock as I did before? Was this what it was meant by the phrase “have your cake and eat it too”?

Hubby baby-stepped me into everything. I think he approached it all properly that way because I couldn’t shake this paranoid feeling that he was setting me up. First, hubby explained that I was such an amazing sexual woman that he couldn’t bear to keep me all to himself. He felt that he had to share me. So I continued sleeping with all my old booty calls.

Then he explained how hot it would be if he was able to watch me fuck someone else. Hubby and I will never forget the first time he watched me fuck. We still laugh about it to this day. The lucky “Bull” didn’t last but maybe 5 minutes. It all turned out to be more awkward than hot, but everyone has to start somewhere.

Hubby even expressed his desire to be chastised and how desperately he wanted to be fed a cream pie.

I think that the first cream pie was the hardest thing for him. As much as he fantasized about tasting another man’s cum straight out of me, it still repulsed him to an extent. Practice makes perfect… I think what finally pulled him through his reservations was when he was enjoying his sloppy seconds (my favorite) and he pulled out his dick and realized it was covered with another man’s cum (also my favorite). Cream pies seem to come easier for him after that.

I am sure I do not have to explain how at some point through all of this I found a dominant seed inside me. Cuckoldry made this dominance grow and grow. The unsure, submission that was in me before is no where to be found now.

We have taken some hard knocks in and around our cuckoldry, but we never doubted it. Nothing has ever fit as well as cuckoldry and my hubby.

Anonymous Asshole

I updated the settings on this site to allow people, members or not, to leave comments on my blogs. Luckily I require approval before the comment can be seen by everyone. I was so angry by one comment that I immediately rejected and deleted it before I had a chance to comment back, but the more I thought about it the more I couldn’t let this go! Judgmental, narrow-minded, stereo-typical assholes that feel that they have to impose their beliefs on others… You started it, you wanted a response, you got it!

Anonymous,

You began your comment very open minded and it was almost as if you were taking the time to brag about your own sexual escapades on my blog. I am sorry to say, though, that having many orgies does not make you A.) experienced in all sexual activities, B.) an expert on alternative lifestyles, or C.) Dr. Fucking-Ruth!

Your rendition of the gender specific stereotypes concerning open and illicit sex was accurate (for everyone else: this naïve person explained that if a man was to sleep around then everyone would feel sorry for his wife and wonder if the man *beat* her into thinking that this was okay, but if a woman does it then it is considered seductive), but no one pitches a fit if the exact same stigma is put on a single woman who sleeps around and she is called a slut whereas a single man who sleeps around is called a playboy. That is exactly the same as what you noted, but reversed.

How fucking dare you question my role as a mother! You said that I was a bad mother because I had men over when my child is asleep. How is that any different than having sex with my actual husband while my child is asleep? Doors are closed and locked in both cases. What I (or in this case, we) do behind closed doors has absolutely no bearing on my ability to be a mother to my child. If (and that is a BIG fucking if) my sex life impairs my ability to parent then will you next gay bash a pair of same sex individuals who have children? Are homosexuals bad parents simply because they have an alternative sexual lifestyle? You sir, are a product of society that stands behind the social norms that people say we should live by. Get over yourself and realize that you have your life and I have mine. Although I share my life in the way of my blog, it is not an invitation for you to get on here and bash me. There is a reason that I have a touch of anonymity. It is to protect my family and not to expose my kid to what we choose to do as adults. Now, my question to you is when you’re rummaging through the web for beat off material, like you were obviously doing when you found my blog, do you expose your children to that? Do you let them see you touch your dick and then explain why you do it? I know the answer is no because that would expose your kinks as an “adult”. So what’s the difference between you playing with your tiny penis and being in denial and my playing with another person and not exposing my child to it?

If you had actually read my blogs, you would have noted that I specifically mentioned that my family comes first before my lifestyle. There has been many, many times that I broke plans with an “illicit lover” because my child was not feeling well or wanted to cuddle with mommy. With all this being said, my blog post immediately after your comment explained that I have not be out dating in over a year.

You mentioned something to the effect of my lying to myself about my husband enjoying my sleeping around. Another factor that you were absolutely unaware of is that my husband completely introduced this lifestyle to me. I was oblivious to cuckoldry until my husband (the one who supposedly did not actually enjoy my sleeping around) asked me to start sleeping with other men… and this was BEFORE we were even married. He and I were in a cuckold relationship for 4 years before we were even married.

You asked me to explain this to you so that you could understand it… Does this explain to you just how condescending and ignorant you actually are? Come to think of it… What were YOU doing reading a cuckoldry blog if you are so against it?

A Plethora of Paramour

Since my last painful and embarrassing experience with B. Bull, I really have not wanted to see him (much less fuck him). I have been seeing B. Bull for a little over 2 years now. I have said more times than I can count that I am done with him, but he is reliable; he is respectful; he is familiar, and above all else… He has the biggest cock I have ever seen in real life. No matter how much I want to stop seeing him, I crave his cock like no other addiction I have ever had in my life.

Due to reasons I am not able to explain in this sort of forum, I have been unable to date this year (more specifically, in the year 2009). I have still been able to get laid but with a few more precautions, restrictions and time restraints than usual. Since I have not been able to date to meet new Bulls this year (I have one story about meeting a new Bull that I will share in another blog), I have fallen back time and time again on good ole B. Bull.

I needed to get laid this weekend. I needed an Earth-shattering, bed-rocking orgasm. I didn’t care who gave this to me; I mean I have my standards and I am not willing to lower those standards, but I didn’t care if it was B. Bull or some new Bull who gave it to me.

I text B. Bull and asked him to come fuck me. I felt a strange combination of emotions when he text back and said that he was in Vegas and couldn’t come fuck me. I was shocked because he didn’t mention leaving town. I was irritated because he was not available for my disposal. I was frustrated because I knew that if I didn’t have B. Bull to fuck me, then my other options were pretty slim.

I have mentioned before that I have an enormous amount of shoes. I am extremely particular about which shoes are paired with which outfit. The shade of whatever color that is on the shoes must precisely match or perfectly contrast any color in the rest of my outfit. The height of the heel and the impression it presents must also coordinate with the rest of my outfit. To top it all off, my entire outfit (shoes included) must match the atmosphere of wherever I am going that day. I am a very particular person in many aspects of my life not just my shoes. Imagine now how particular I am about my men…

The reason my Bull options are slim is because I am even more stringent on my men than I am on my shoes. I know exactly what I want from a man mentally, emotionally, and physically. Hubby laughs when I confide in him about my indecision concerning a new Bull. Hubby mentally tallies strikes against my prospective Bulls and waits for me to carefully select the perfect mate. I will not settle for a substandard man.

My date-less year is coming to a close next month. I am pretty excited to jump back out into the dating scene. So this brings me full circle to the title of this blog: ‘A Plethora of Paramour’.

I still refuse to lower my standards, but I need more fucking options! I plan to get out and fuck more often after next month. I plan to keep a Bull’s phone number even after he has irritated me and I have begun looking for “strange”. I plan to uphold my quality standards but also to increase my quantity standards as well.

I want it all: Professional, Wife, Cuckoldress

When Jinxy asked me to write this blog under this subject, I thought, “Pppsstthhbb! Easy peasy!” ‘I want it all: Professional, Wife, Cuckoldress’ this should be the easiest thing to write about since it’s my life, right? Wrong! Brainstorming this topic turned out to be quite the look in the mirror for me. How *do* I do this? How do I keep it together? How have I found the balance for all three roles to co-exist equally and effectively? It wasn’t easy~ at first; now it’s just second nature.

This may very well be the first time any of you have read anything written by me so let me give you a quick intro: I am 27 years old and I’m married to the love of my life. We have one child who is often too intelligent for his/her own good and we are both professionals in a very demanding line of work. So, you put all those elements together and I have a very active lifestyle between work, family, and my being a long-time Cuckoldress. Sometimes it takes a well thought out plan to keep all three of my roles from crashing into each other. Oddly enough though, being the Cuckoldress seems to be the easiest role I have!

This lifestyle is without a doubt is a tight rope walk at times, but with plenty of practice over the years, I have developed a routine, per say, that meshes each aspect of my life together without conflict. I have had a few new and blossoming Cuckold couples ask me “what is the key to having a successful marriage/ cuckold lifestyle and how do you hold it all together?” That is an excellent question and the answer comes down to three elements. Mutual understanding, open lines of communication and last, but certainly not least you must trust in each other. You’re both getting your rocks off together (or separately in this case), but if you’re missing one of these elements another area of your life will suffer, i.e. marriage, job or family. Balance is the key to a properly functioning cuckold relationship, but isn’t that the recipe for success in anything we do in life?

Balance (v): to arrange, adjust, or proportion the parts of symmetrically.

The definition of balance seems simple enough, but you have no idea how many people lose site of this when they have a dick in their hand (whether it is their own or someone else’s). I’m not saying that when things get hot and sweaty that you shouldn’t totally lose yourself. Hell, I would never get anything done in my life if I wasn’t able to pacify myself with an enormous cock occasionally and put the day to day responsibilities on hold for an hour or two (or three)! It’s after my roof-raising-multiple-orgasms and having my cuck clean up the mess that I snap back into job-, wife-, or mom-mode. This is the type of balance I am talking about.

Another important factor in a well balanced cuckold marriage is versatility. The transition, or transformation rather, between each role should be seamless. Each of my roles comes so naturally. I’m able to freely wander back and forth between them with ease. I can kiss a boo-boo from a bike –vs- driveway battle, walk inside to iron my husband’s shirt and then fix my lipstick and head out the door for my date with one of my Bulls. Seamless- normal- natural. If it is a jerky transition then it will be so much more difficult to maintain the necessary balance.

You must also consciously establish your values and remind yourself what’s really most important in your life? For me, my family: husband and child, are the most significant for me. My responsibilities to them come first before getting laid. I must ensure that my family’s needs are met before I can venture out for sex. My job as a wife and a mother is the glue that holds everything together in our family. Priority number two on my list is my career. Last on the priority chart is my insatiable cravings for cock. Overall, if my family’s needs are not in good sorts, then my cock craving will not be met. 1.) Family. 2.) Job. 3.) Cock. As simple as 1-2-3 (yes, I did just go there…).

Some characteristics more specific for a particular role may be helpful in one of the other two. For instance, I am a very domineering Cuckoldress. The established dominance in my marriage can easily be interpreted as being enterprising in my career. I am less likely to be passed over for a promotion or getting fucked over by a co-worker because of this characteristic. Now, my emphatic attitude just comes out naturally. To all those women out there that are curious about the cuckold lifestyle, let me share a very reassuring bit of advice: This lifestyle is a pure, unadulterated confidence boost! Your attitude toward yourself, your relationship and everyday life will change, but that’s a blog for another time… so let’s back on track.

Compassion (from the mother role) helps in being a Cuckoldress as well. The first time that my cuck was offered a cream pie, I think I literally saw his face turn green. I had compassion for him and I talked him through it. Now he cannot wait for his cream pies. Ardent compassion is the key to easing him into his duties in his role.

It should go without saying (I am saying it anyways) that time management is massively important as a functioning Cuckoldress. It doesn’t matter is you are Wife, Mother, Professional, and/or Cuckoldress; you are only allocated 24 hours in any day just like the rest of us. How you manage those 24 hours is vital in the efficient survival in this lifestyle. My typical day runs like this: Gym, work, lunch (sometimes an afternoon quickie if I have time), more work, more gym, my child’s after-school activity, dinner, chores, date with the “Bull of the moment”, then sleep. I barely have enough time in my day by just being a wife and mother. Factor in work and cuckoldry and it gets a little hectic. I keep everything penciled into my daily planner (little black book *wink, wink*) which is an essential item with my life. I know, I know, that seems so simple, but it is also entertaining when I find my cuck beating off while reading my scheduled events.

Every woman, at significantly different points in her life, wishes to be a princess, a wife, a mother, and/or a professional career woman. As usual, reality can sting like a bitch and the “princess” option drops off her “what I want to be when I grow up” list first. Sometimes women even give up the career in order to focus more on her family or vice versa. I am 27 years old and I still want to be a princess, but since I was not born into royalty I guess Cuckoldress is the closest I will ever come… And I am delightfully happy about that.

My name is Rayna Spade. I am 27 years old. I am a wife, a mother, a professional and a Cuckoldress… And I want it all.

Is there such a thing as a 'Compromising Cuckoldress'?

If you follow my Twitter, then you are already aware of the brief progression of an introduction with S. Bull. This is my thoughts on my actions, intentions, and reactions to this entire ordeal.

S. Bull began chatting with me via Yahoo IM. He was very frank and forthcoming in his stature, both in height and size and penis and intentions. He asked me if penis size was the first priority in finding a bull. I honestly thought about this for an exaggeratedly long moment before I answered. "No. It is not the most important factor in finding a bull... It is the second most important factor in finding a bull." I think that S. Bull appreciated my honesty just as much as I appreciated his.

The conversation ensued. Then S. Bull asked that I give him a "chance" to see if there is a "spark" between us beyond penis size. This struck me deeply in two different ways. First, I was curious. Maybe this guy has something to offer that I just haven't been able to find in other bulls. Second, I questioned how superficial I actually am. I decided to give it... him a go.

I told him to email me and I would respond when I could. Sure enough, the enthusiastic self-proclaimed bull emailed me almost immediately. Eh~ I like enthusiasm, but I didn't reply until the next morning.

S. Bull and I corresponded back and forth quite a bit. After the subject mounted from common interests to athletics and then on to cuckold humiliation, we decided to exchange face and full body pictures. I sent him a picture of me dolled up and then a picture of me on average (come on people, no matter how much of a fantasy you maintain~ not everyone will look like the internet porn site Cuckoldress 24/7). He expressed his gratuitous approval and ranted about how beautiful he thought I am. I wish I could have returned the compliments.

The more experienced I become in life and this lifestyle, the more I am aware of and can accept who I am and what I want. I have accepted that I have a type of man that I just simply become weak in the knees when I see. I become ravenous when I see a man fitting this type.

I love black men. I love a nice even milk chocolaty dark brown skin tone. I love tall men, six feet tall at the very least. I love big men with broad shoulders. I love bald men (I cannot figure this one out). I love tattoos. More specifically, I love tattoos on black men. The way that the ink contrasts that smooth chocolaty skin tone is just so beautiful. Last but most certainly not least, I love well hung, graciously endowed, thick, long black cock.

S. Bull sent me pictures of his face and another of his body. S. Bull turned out to be the exact~ EXACT opposite of every one of the afore mentioned physical characteristics. He is short (under six feet), skinny with narrow shoulders, pale skin (light skinned black man), he wears a large bushy afro, he has no tattoos, and he (admittedly) has an 'average' sized cock.

I don't do *average* anything, but I especially do not do *average* sized cock.

I tried. I actually put an effort into looking beyond superficial characteristics. I tried to see into someone for the beauty within... Blah, blah, blah, fucking blah!

I did learn something even deeper about myself through this...

A Cuckoldress~ a *true* Cuckoldress cannot and should not ever compromise what she wants.

Needless to say, I am still looking for my dream man.

My Dearest Cuckolded Husband

My hubby asked that I blog about how I feel for him. I am not sure what he was aiming to get out of me~ Come to think of it, I do. I do, in fact, know exactly what he was aiming to get out of me. I doubt that this will be it though...

When a girl is still young and untouched by the harsh reality of life and love, she often envisions how her "one and only true love" will be. Whether that fantasy engulfs a white horse or something more resembling Clark Gable she always envisions a man that will make her heart go (as once quoted by my Sunday School teacher years ago), "pitter-patter-poppy-cock".

My husband is nothing like Clark Gable, and he surely does not ride a white horse. To the eye, my husband is nothing that any little girl would daydream into her future about. My husband is a red-blooded, unemotional, hairy, farting, scratching, nose-picking, football-watching man through and through.

On the other hand, my husband is, without a doubt, my very best friend. He is the complete complimenting opposite of myself, and when he winks at me~ my heart, my stomach, and everything in between literally goes, "pitter-patter-poppy-cock".

If you were to do a Google search using the key words: "cuckold" and "characteristics" you would (after sifting through all the virus riddled porn sites) come up with a compilation of information depicting the average cuckold as submissive, pathetic, small-dicked, and wimpy. These very characteristics are 'supposedly' the reason why a cuckoldress is able to, or has the reason to cuckold her husband.

My hubby may be the stereotypical disgusting man, but he is nothing like the stereotypical cuckold. My hubby is actually the exact opposite of the average cuckold characteristics except for one thing... My hubby realizes that despite his larger-than-average cock, insatiable appetite for sex, and valiant effort to please me, he will never be (in total) what I need, want, and crave.

This is what makes my husband a *true* cuckold.

Being that my husband is my best friend and accepts the inevitable (that I simply cannot be monogamous) our marriage of cuckoldry is not forced even in the slightest. This allows for a more open and honest relationship. Because our relationship is honest and open my hubby can be completely secure in his position as my husband. He knows, without a doubt, that although I may succumb to any number of other men, I will always love him as my husband.

Because my husband is not only secure in his position as my husband but also his manhood, I am able to actively seek out new relationships not merely based on carnal lust or infatuation. I crave the fulfillment of having a second mate in my life; a second mate to fill any possible voids that my husband may leave.

I love my cuckolded husband very much and think very highly of him, but I simply cannot be satisfied by just him any longer. He knows this very well. I have become accustomed to the taboo and erotic thought of being with another man other than my husband. I simply cannot be with only him and only him.

This makes me a *true* Cuckoldress.

No matter how much I love him... No matter how much I admire him... A little piece of me will always see him as pathetic. A little piece of me will always desire more than him. A little piece of me will always be looking for a better man than him.

Isn't that the American Dream? Always looking for something better...

Absolute Power or Sick Sadism?

Just out of the blue yesterday afternoon I decided to set up plans with B. Bull for later that evening. I figured: what a perfect way to close out a long weekend than with a good fucking... I wish it had ended that way.

I solidified all my plans with B. Bull and then told the hubby. My cuckold hubby masturbated all day thinking about it. I promised hubby that I would set up the webcam so that he could watch. I even promised both B. Bull and hubby that I would go all out and dress up. This was building up to be quite the event.

I love to dress up for a scheduled fuck. I have an entire section of my closet allocated to slutty clothes. Hubby has also built a shoe shrine in my closet. I have an ungodly amount of shoes: low and conservative 2 inch heels; cute and flirty 3 inch heels; sassy and sophisticated 4 inch heels; sexy and flaunting 5 inch heels; I even have a few pair of 6 inch heels and two pair of 8 inch heels. I begin to feel a little guilty when I think of the money that has gone into these shoes and the dire need in Haiti... I just don't think that little Haitian girls should be walking around the rubble in stripper heels.

After several wardrobe changes, I settled on a stretchy and shiny metallic purple tube dress, thigh high rough-top fishnet stockings and a pair of black patent leather with clear platform 6 inch heels. My deep red lipstick and tattoos seemed to compliment the dark purple wonderfully.

I modeled for hubby on webcam while he masturbated ferociously. I posed for his every whim while he snapped candid shots. I even masturbated for hubby while waiting for B. Bull.

B. Bull arrived and quickly stripped naked while fucking me with his eyes. He laid down for me to gobble down his massive cock like usual, only this time I gave him my Flip digital video camera to capture the moment. He loved recording me sucking his cock.

Just as things usually do, the moment progressed and I mounted his huge black cock. I am always in my own perverted version of heaven when I slide down the length of his shaft. Not all men are created equal.

B. Bull grew more and more enthusiastic and we maneuvered to have him entering me from behind. This position can be both satisfying and painful. From this position I can feel every single extended inch of his manhood. Sometimes, though, I have to remind him how easily he can hurt me in this position. I think he knows though.

B. Bull began thrusting and slamming himself into me. I screamed with each thrust. The screams began with ecstasy and slowly progressed to pain. I would flatten my body out to try to lessen the internal impact. In response, B. Bull would just manually lift my hips back into position and thrust harder. That's when the blood came...

I was mortally embarrassed as he cleaned himself and dressed then left.

The more and more I think about it the more and more pissed off I become. I am sure he wasn't trying to intentionally hurt me, but he damn well knew he was hurting me. Was this him exercising his absolute "Bull Power" or was he being sadistic?